Its been a rough road lately!

I haven't posted in a while (since March) because I've been struggling and being honest with you all is even harder than being honest with myself.  I've let myself lose focus...and forget why I am doing this.  I need to get and stay healthy...for my kids, grandbaby and most importantly MYSELF! 

I've got the working out part down....every other day, sometimes two days in a row with a day of rest.  Eating is a whole other story.  I've not started eating the "white" foods again....just eating to much of the good stuff.  YES, there is such thing as to much of a good thing!!! :(

I promise I will be back....every day!!!  I need this as much as some of you do!!  I promised I would be here for you, and I've been slacking!!! 

I saw a blog post yesterday from one of the contestants from The Biggest Loser and it really hit home.  What are my triggers???? BOREDOM!!! EMOTIONS!! LOSS OF CONTROL!! What are your triggers???

Recognizing Your “Triggers”…

By jessicadelfs

Addiction is a nasty thing…whether it’s food, alcohol, drugs, whatever you have trouble moderating, it is a serious thing. I’ve heard people say that food addiction isn’t as serious as alcohol or drug addiction, but if you look at the obesity crisis in our country and how many people die from obesity related issues I’d have to respectfully say…yeah right! Even those people that overcome addictions will tell you it’s a life long battle, and that it’s not always a successful one at times, but that it’s something you will always have to be mindful of and work at. The minute you think you’re in the clear is when it will come to bite you in the butt.
In my opinion that’s why I think some past BL contestants have a struggle with keeping their weight off at times. We tend to think “We’ve beat this…” but it’s just not true. The minute you start to believe you’re past it is the minute you start to become more relaxed with your daily routines and ways to fight off that addiction and you start to see the scale slowly inching up. I’ll be honest…I’ve struggled since the finale and have battled with the same 10-15 lbs since December. I’ll lose it…get relaxed about hitting it so hard…then it creeps back on…then I hit it hard again to get it off…and it’s a vicious cycle. But I’ve found in this past month or so is it’s not about losing 5 lbs a week anymore, or never eating salt…it’s about understanding what works for you, what your body will tolerate, and how to live a healthy BALANCED life. I haven’t had balance for almost a year…it was either HARD CORE or ehhhh, and that’s not real life!

I started to see a problem when I would feel guilty for working out less than 2 hours a day…or if my calories exceeded 1000-1200 a day…GUILTY!!!! Seriously?!?!? It’s ridiculous…that’s not balance, that’s obsession. Now, I’m not going to knock that lifestyle while I was on a competition show. Desperate times, call for desperate measures, but now that I’m not in that arena anymore it’s about finding balance and to be totally honest I’m having to reteach myself was balance really is for my life.

I also had to realize that I have an eating disorder…maybe not clinical, or one that can be classified, but I don’t have a healthy balanced approach to food at times. It’s either super low cal, low sodium, no carb, NO FUN…or eating to satisfy some kind of void. Those of you that know me behind the scenes could probably attest to the fact that my life has been a stress case since my finale for BL10. I’ve been handed a tough set of cards these past 8 months and have lost almost everything at the cost of being on the show, and I’m slowly starting to redefine myself and what my future will look like as I rebuild, but during this time I was able to use the self examination tools I learned on the show to really examine why I was abusing food and not looking at in a balanced way. When I was sad, I wanted to eat. When I was bored, I wanted to eat. When I was stressed, I wanted to eat. When I felt lonely, I wanted to eat. And you know what I finally figured out was the common thread of all these situations??? I felt out of CONTROL…Something made me sad and I couldn’t change what had happened to make me that way. When I was bored and had already done my workouts for the day, cleaned the house, and did whatever I could do around the house, and still there were hours left in the day and no money to go entertain myself, I felt like I didn’t have control of the situation. When certain things like losing my home, owing people money, having to trade in my car and not finding one that I could afford…all these things I felt like I couldn’t snap my finger and change so I felt like my control of the situation was taken away, and finally when I was lonely and the man in my life wasn’t around or family and friends weren’t around I felt like I couldn’t control the situation in bringing them around…so what did I do in all these situations? I ATE..why?? Because I can control that…but the problem comes in what I eat. Sometimes it was just a lot of the good stuff, and sometimes it was a craving for the classic unhealthy comfort foods.
Feeling out of control is MY TRIGGER, what is yours? Seriously, take a second and think about it. Before BL, and even during the show, I would say “I’m just an emotional eater…I eat to fill a void”…that’s not specific enough. Now that I have identified the specific emotion I can now recognize it and realize than when I feel that way I DO have control. I have control to find something to do to take up my time, I have control to work more hours or take on other projects to make more money to pay back those loans I’ve felt stressed about paying back. When I’m alone I have control to call an old friend and reconnect or go to the gym and take a group class and make new friends, I DO have control. I also have control over the balance in my life. For the last 8 months or so it was only about fitness…seriously, nothing else mattered. That’s not real life peeps…there’s also work, family, romantic relationships, FUN…so many more things that need to be a part of your life and honestly those other things have been neglected. It’s time for me to find balance and make time for everything. A 1 or 2 hour workout is good…eating 1200-1500 calories a day is good…taking a day of rest each week is good…spending time with loved ones and friends at the end of my day is great!

So take a minute to identify what YOUR trigger is, and make a game plan for how you’re going to tackle it next time you feel that way. What will you do, specifically, when you feel that way. For example, will you call a friend when you feel lonely and TELL them you feel lonely? Will you go to the gym or try a new group class when you feel bored? Will you call a loved one and talk about your stress next time you feel overwhelmed? What will you do to FIGHT? What will you do to have BALANCE? What will you do to live a HAPPY & HEALTHY life? I have my game plan…what’s yours?